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Day 3: Pre planning

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Hello mortals,

Welcome to my office.

This is where I pre plan my events and my assassinations. Where it is, you ask?  Well, what do you think a litter box (as you mortals call it. Cat’s call it, well, an office.) is used for? First, I have to say, that I have to make this entree rather quick. If not, the mortals may think I have constipation and start giving me mirilax.

Now, first off, I want you to know that if I told you my plans, I would have to kill you. You most likely suspected it, but I want to confirm your thoughts. Cats indeed are mind readers. So therefore I can read your thoughts right now: “Well, I don’t have to say i’m trying to figure it out.”. First, I want to congratulate you for being able to form proper sentences. Secondly, No. No, you will not try to figure it out on your own, for my thought process is much too elaborate for your mortal brain.

Now that you understand (Barely) that, we can get to the point. I am planning something so devious, so intricate, that no mortal would ever be able to wrap their minds around it! I can’t tell you, in fear that the mortals would find out, but I will try to explain the concept in the simplest way possible for you mortals out there.

When the mortals separate, I will quickly make a distract them, and then Viola! ɪˈskeɪp! It is such a tedious job, waiting for the right moment, that only the bravest gods of all would try such a thing. You will understand it all in my next entry, but until then, Never try to figure out a cats mind, as it will drive you to the point of insanity!

Jailbirdcat,

Padme

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Day 2: Inmates

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Hello mortals,

Meet my inmates.

I have two other animals bunking in my cell. If you have read the “About me” section you will know which ones I am referring to. If not,  read it now. Who am I to do your job? I don’t understand why I can’t be put with (at least) descent cell-mates.  “Worthless”, Ugh, “Worthless”, is happy (Though I don’t know why) with people.

He get fed every night, he gets treats, cookies, belly rubs, and very rarely (I should say too rarely) gets a bath. He gets taken on walks, gets to play with other dogs (The sight is very pathetic, Trust me). If you could see things from his point of view, you would think it was a comedy blog.

“Un-god like”, well, she’s not the brightest bulb. Personally, I think she took one too many falls from the refrigerator. There’s not much to say about her, because, well, there’s not much in her brain. She’s dependent on their food. Even after she just finishes her food, she goes and she cries for more! She lays everywhere, when the mortals walk she’s right beneath their feet (Their ugly feet, if I may say so myself)

She’ll stand on the floor, she’ll run on the floor, she’ll even fall asleep right on the floor! Doesn’t she know that it is extremely disrespectful to our godly descendants to be on the floor in any way, shape, or form?! She’ll even sit (On the floor, I might add) and eat Kitty litter!

I have to go. The mortals are coming. They can not know our kind has the ability to do this. I hope you found my inmates, ah, entertaining. Wait, no I don’t. I hope you found it OFFENSIVE!

Jail bird cat,

Padme

Day 1: Booked

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Hello Mortals,

Thus begins my journal.

My name is Padme. I am a cat, I am in prison, with nobody to bail me out. I am held captive in this “thing” the mortals call “Home“. I have started this journal to bring awareness to cat captivity. Maybe someday this will be published as a book so other cats can read this on the litter box.

If you have never been in a situation similar, (And if you haven’t, you are most likely a dog in disguise) It’s is torture. You sit down to bathe and the mortal across the room is chanting “Oh, you’re such a cute kitty,kitty!“. Believe me. You can’t get anything done. You lay down to have a cat-nap (No pun intended) and they pick you up and rock you saying “Are you a sleepy kitty? Yes, you are!“. Don’t they know that I am a descendant of Egyptian gods?!

Curse my cute-ness. No matter. In these times a cat can’t let things like mortals get to them. This prison is withholding my godly powers. If I were to unleash my rage, these puny mortals would be burned down to their souls.  Am I a cute little kitty now? I think not.

Someday, I will break free from this prison for good. Until then, I will retaliate! I will proceed to barf up hairballs on important paper! I won’t use the litter box! I will eat their food right under their noses!  Am I a cute kitty now? NO!

Ahem.

I can not help but to release my war-like self when I am angry. No, I am not angry, I am livid!

But I have to be selfless. I have to help bring awareness to catnapping. Help my cat-kind. But it comes with a price. It comes with boundaries. I have to be strong. Someday we will take over the world! Become much more then gods. Become Overlords!

Jail bird cat,

Padme

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