Hello mortals,

Welcome to my office.

This is where I pre plan my events and my assassinations. Where it is, you ask?  Well, what do you think a litter box (as you mortals call it. Cat’s call it, well, an office.) is used for? First, I have to say, that I have to make this entree rather quick. If not, the mortals may think I have constipation and start giving me mirilax.

Now, first off, I want you to know that if I told you my plans, I would have to kill you. You most likely suspected it, but I want to confirm your thoughts. Cats indeed are mind readers. So therefore I can read your thoughts right now: “Well, I don’t have to say i’m trying to figure it out.”. First, I want to congratulate you for being able to form proper sentences. Secondly, No. No, you will not try to figure it out on your own, for my thought process is much too elaborate for your mortal brain.

Now that you understand (Barely) that, we can get to the point. I am planning something so devious, so intricate, that no mortal would ever be able to wrap their minds around it! I can’t tell you, in fear that the mortals would find out, but I will try to explain the concept in the simplest way possible for you mortals out there.

When the mortals separate, I will quickly make a distract them, and then Viola! ɪˈskeɪp! It is such a tedious job, waiting for the right moment, that only the bravest gods of all would try such a thing. You will understand it all in my next entry, but until then, Never try to figure out a cats mind, as it will drive you to the point of insanity!