Day 24: Encounters

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Hello mortals,

enjoy my bravery.

I was coming out of the grocery store, my fish and doughnut in my hand. I decided to go a shortcut, going through the alley way, when the Cat Mafia came out of the shadows. They started grilling me for intel about my agency, advancing towards me. When I didn’t comply, they shoved me up against the wall, my fish and doughnut flying out of my hands.

Now this is the part where I down and dirty. I looked at the head Mafia dude and said “Well you better go to the grocery store and get me another fish and doughnut, and give me my money back!”. He didn’t like that. He got his fencing sword out of his belt, machete in the other hand. He held the sword up to my neck and threated “If you don’t give us the information, you’ll never see The Girl again!”.

And I was like OH NO HE DIDN’T.

So I kicked his legs out from under him, wrestled his sword and machete out of his hands, and they slid into the corner of the alley out of reach. He was still down, after a hard hit to the face when he fell, but his buddies came at me. They started cracking their knuckles, and I was like OH IT’S ON. LIKE DONKEY KONG PLAYING PING PONG ACTING LIKE A DING DONG.

I backfliped over them, and while I was over their heads I kicked them in the head. I landed next to my fish, and I started swinging it around, just flinging it in the air. I started hitting them in the faces with the fish. They got pwned. By this time the head dude was up and swinging. So I started just hitting him over and over in the face. Just bang! Bang! Bang!

He passed out, and I went over and got my doughnut, ripping it into three equal pieces. I got in my purse, and got my emergency survival pouch and got my poison out. It wouldn’t kill them! No. But it would knock them out for long enough for me to get out of there. So I enjected the liquid into the doughnut pieces, and put them in each of their mouths.

After putting the vial back into my purse, I turned and walked out of the alley. I walked back to the store and got another fish and another doughnut, and started my way back – This time not taking the shortcut. I unlocked the house, and fried my fish, and then sat down and ate my doughnut and read the newspaper, then fell asleep. Just in time for The Girl to get home.




Day 22: Politics in the Office

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Hello Mortals,


Doesn’t Everyone hate it? No matter how much you try to respect your fellow kind, there’s always some person that you hate for no reason! Actually there is a reason; Politics. Some people just think they’re better than others. They are the pets (no pun intended) of the leaders here at the agency. Even though there are people better than them. Cough cough – Me – Cough Cough. And don’t even get me started with other agencies!  Actually too late. Already started.

Earlier today there was a cat from a rival agency on MY porch! Just laying there. He was just taunting me! I started telling him off… Yeah, not proud of it. The witch went and got The girl, so after I had calmed down she took me and had an invigorating talk with me. She told me that it was raining, and he just wanted to keep dry. She said that when I “ran away” it was raining (or snowning, I zoned out there), and I had probably was forced to take cover to stay warm. So she told me that instead of telling him off, I should encourage him to go back home.

Well, I went back to the window, and he was STILL THERE! So I let the anger get the best of me, and I started doing it again. This time it was bad, because he was adding to it with what he was saying. Well The girl was standing there and picked me up to try to get me to stop, and I know, I’m not proud. But I freaked out. I started having flashbacks to the other kitties bullying me when I was lost. And how I was hungry and scared and wanted nothing more than to go home back into my Girl’s warm embrace.

Anyway, I freaked. I flipped (Literally) and I scratched her, and flew out of her arms and ran. But she caught up to me and held me until I calmed down. She forgave me instantly. In fact, I’m not sure she was even angry in the first place. After that she went out and talked to the kitty. She said that it wasn’t nice taunting me, and that he should go home instead of wasting time being mean. I tapped into her thoughts and made her give him a piece of pop corn as a peace offering. Well…he didn’t take it. So I called Patches first, to tell her what happened, then, she advised me to tell our Agency. She said that he was going against our Kitty Konstitution TM.

When we took our place in whatever agency – it’s the same for all – we took vows. We wouldn’t taunt each other. We wouldn’t harm each other. We wouldn’t do our kind wrong. We wouldn’t skip on our duty’s. We wouldn’t do half hearted work. Etcetera, etcetera. The important vows to take from that are 1) We won’t taunt each other. 2) We won’t skip on our duty’s. 3) We won’t do our kind wrong.

He was skipping out on his work! The work he was doing he was doing half heartedly! He was doing our kind wrong! He could be fired for all of those things. Especially if you have proof….. >_<

You know what this is called? PROOF.

You know what this is called? PROOF.

Just laying there!



Day 20: Mwahahaha Part 3

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Hello mortals,

Here is the long awaited Part 3.

Screams. Lot’s of screams. How could you’s, etc.. You may be thinking that it was a lot of work for not a lot of pay off…, IT WAS WORTH IT. You don’t see many cats running around doing these kinds of things anymore. So many of them have been whisked away for army training. Normal mischief of a cats life would be breaking in and stealing food. Well..I prefer to have some idiosyncrasy to my work.

Damage. That’s what I strive to do. Lots and lots of damage. The more damage the better.

Then of course I come home to The girl being all “Ooohh!! Kitty kitty kitty! Where have you been?? Oh you’re such a cuddly little kitty cat. *Kisses, hugs, cuddles*” Which, If I may say so myself, is a wonderful welcome home. Ahem..I mean..not so wonderful welcome to my prison. Then I get fed. More cuddles. IT’S TORTURE! All in a days work.

Oh no, someone’s coming! I must go for now, my minions. OVER AND OUT.



You be hatin’, I be bloggin’

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hum-de-dum-de-dum…hmm…Very thoughtful comment there…*delete* I SPARE NO ONE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*The girl walks into the room*

Oh! Hi! I was just…ya know…laying on the computer…like cat’s do…*ahem*…Oh! What was that?! *The girl looks away* (Diversion! hehehe) Oh, *purrr purrr purrr* Pet me! Pet me! Pet me! *purrr purrr purrr*


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