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A Pressing Word For WordPress

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I’mma bout to have poo-flinging moment with wordpress.. You peeps have changed this format so much I can’t even tell where my toes are. This is why cats need to RULE THIS WORLD. *Ahem*  Lost my temper. Just kidding, IT’S STILL HAPPENING, I’m sitting in my work space, and I be looking at the screen like:

Cat tech

What am I supposed to do with this peeple?!?!?! I’m about to go all egyptian on these hoomans! Like, take my earrings, hold my kitten, we going to TOWN. I am a cat and my lack of technology skills is making me insecure. *tear* I need someone to come now and hold my hand and be like “Don’t be insecure girl. Work that pony tail. OWN that updo.

Jailbirdcat out.

“Home Alone 6”???

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Hello Mortals,

I have an adventure for you peasants.

So the Witch and Ogre were gone, so obviously I got to rule the household. I allowed The Girl to reside in my kingdom.

There were some good times and bad times – well, bad times for The Girl, I’m impartial. Like, 1 down 1 to go, if ya know what I meannn…  We’ll start with the bad (*cough cough* impartial) news.

The Girl came home to find that Very Un-God Like had passed away.

Insert The Girl’s comment here;

“Yes, unfortunately Neera is gone, but we were all very ready knowing she could go anytime.  It still is very sad, but she’s happier up in Heaven.”

Insert Very Un-God Like memorial here;

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Then there was the happy times. Like when I when I dared to adventure OUTSIDE!

insert adventure photos here;

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And Worthless was sad…

insert sad photos here;

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Worthless also got his nails painted, Piranha got a sassy new outfit, and Stupid neighbor spooned with Piranha.

insert stupid photos here;

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What a week… phew. Now The Witch and The Ogre are back home and acting like they OWN the place.

Jailbirdcat,

Padme 

Day 31: The Kitty Kouncil least bit Kozy enKounter

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“Bobby! Thank you for coming.” Tom says. Bobby sits down beside me and props his feet up on the table. “Let’s get this thing going!” He exclaims. “Feet. Off.” Tom demands. “Sorry…” Bobby says. “So. Let’s get down to business.” I say focused on capturing Vincinzo.

“Let’s lock this sucker up.” Charlie says

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

Okay, do we have any leads to Vincinzo?” I ask. “Well…no.” Tom says and we all give a huff “Do we have any inkling of where he might be??” I ask Bobby. “That would be a no.” Bobby answers. “So why exactly did you call us in if you had no leads other than the fact that he’s gone?!” I ask Tom annoyed “Well because Char-” “Because I have the map of the Island he might be on” Charlie cuts him off. “And how do you know that it’s where he could be?” I ask to no one in particular. “Because it was in his cell.” Tom tells me. “Well that would have been helpful to have known right away” I rant.

 

“So the places he could be are; Rocky Docks, The Last Island, Fright Forest, Deathly Bog, The Lost Treasure” “Which is no doubt a trap” Bobby says “,The Vile Volcano, Piranha Lagoon, Paramount Peaks, Creepy Cove, and of course the Island is surrounded with Shark infested waters” I list. “So which route would you like to choose for your death?” Charlie says in an announcer’s voice, which sends Bobby into a bout of giggles. “KEEP IT TOGETHER” I yell as I smack each of them.

“Okay, so I feel as though we’re all thinking this” Tom begins “We don’t have enough agents to surround the island plus send enough into each part to be safe” “Exactly. We don’t know how many allies he’s got country wide. We could be in bad shape if we underestimate him.” I explain.  “What is our next step, then?” Charlie asked. “We go to the Kitty Kouncil and demand to recruit and train agents.” I say.

“Do you realize  how long that would take?” Tom asked “Do you realize how long Vincinzo made me wait to catch him?!” I exclaim. “Padme’s right, if we wait long enough maybe we can tire him out.” Bobby says thoughtfully. “I’m sorry, I know this is serious. but can we just focus on the fact that he just said something that makes sense?” Charlie jokes

~At The Kouncil~

 

“Sir, please. If you just listen to us for one minute!-” “What she means, with all due respect, is what other way is there to extract him from that island without killing off all your agents?!” Tom diplomatically cuts me off. “That’s not my job. My job is to stop any absurd plans from disrupting our agency!” Edmund poop-ily says.

A quick grid of the Kouncil-cats, shall we?

 

“If you’re sitting there telling me that you don’t care about your agents then you are going to have to answer to a lot of cats.” I warn. “Is that a threat?” Douglass asks. “You can take that however you’d like, sir” I force a smile. “Are you going to let her threaten Douglass like that, Edmund?!?!” Sullivan squeaks “Sullivan hold it together!” Edmund commands.

…….

“So you’re saying because the agents didn’t die because of Vincinzo then it’s not your problem? It’s still your agents! Besides, what proof do you have that says they didn’t??” Chadwick defends for us. “‘What difference does it make??'” WIlliamson asks. “It makes a very significant difference, good sir!”

batman_slap_display-300x290-e1351481434610

#glovesmack

“Look, we don’t need a lot of money. We have a whole section of our building that isn’t being used. We could easily turn into dorms.” I explain. “We’ve had 5 encounters with Vincinzo in the last year. It’s only a matter of time before something is compromised, giving him free reign to steal information, or Ra- forbid, Agents.” “Ma’am, how can you guarantee you’ll have cats that want to be agents?” Chadwick asks.

“We can’t.” I say. The whole council erupts in laughter. I raise my hand signaling I have more to say. “But sometimes in order to change, we have to change. Take that leap of faith. Sure, sometimes it won’t work out. But just because agents have died doesn’t mean we can’t live.” I recite \

They look at each other. Edmund takes a breath, “Agents, I’m sorry,but…..”

TO BE CONTINUED…

Jailbirdcat,

Padme

Day 30: The Adventures of Jailbirdcat

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Hello mortals,

I have a story for you peasant brains.

So I was talking to Tom the other day, and we got to talking about our Agency History. And he told me a fascinating story about Ancient Egypt and The Kitty Konsortium (Our agency). So if you don’t want to read this, you must be a dog. So please, carry onto Rumpydog’s blog. -_- And you dogs should also sleep with one eye open.

 

Time traveling back to Ancient Egypt ~~~

 

 

 

 

A time where cats were worshipped, Pharaohs ran the lands, and the people were brought to justice with something they called “Ma’at” – the ancient Egyptian concept of truth, balance, order, law, morality, and justice. And also, a time where the gods opperated diamond space crafts.

Yes, you heard me right, mortal. They were built to aid a system that you would know as “Amazon.com”. Ran straight from the Amazonian lands (yes, the river), meant as a secret source for cats to buy everything they needed to be Godly. Obviously they couldn’t let the mortals know that they too had to have litter boxes, and If I may say so myself, Some FABULOUS jewelry!

The Space crafts would then be stocked with the things cats had ordered and it would be shipped to them. How the mortals didn’t see big diamond space crafts?? Cloaking devices. Obviously! Your brains worry me, peasant.

After a few millenia, The amazonian.com™ started getting fewer and fewer usages. The cats had been getting run down by mortals that thought they were better than them. Soon enough back in the Amazonian lands, they started having to make budget cuts, so they had to lay off some of their space craft drivers, so production levels dipped down to irreversible  levels, and they ended up shutting down amazonian.com™.

Obviously they didn’t need the space crafts anymore, so they called up Tutu to have his company tear the crafts down and use them for recycling purposes, but when you put the God of Sleep in charge of something, it just doesn’t get done. Lazy, lazy Tutu. The majority of the space crafts sunk fully into the ground, But some of them only sunk half way. The openings to the minority of them were accessible, so the Egyptians made the rooms into tombs, and dressed the hallways in booby traps. They made them into mazes so the “tomb raiders” AKA “The space craft raiders” wouldn’t be able to find the valuables that were buried with the tombs.

The diagram of what the space crafts really looked like. Above the red line in the center is the "pyramid" for those of you who don't understand.

The diagram of what the space crafts really looked like. Above the red line in the center is the “pyramid” for those of you who don’t understand.

Years and years and years and years and years (you get the point) after all this, the Hoomans found these so called “Pyramids”. And now, apparently, they are a part of the “7 Wonders of the World”. IDK what that even is.

“And that’s the story!” Tom says. “Tom,” I say “MIND. BLOWN.”

Jailbirdcat, 

Padme

Day 29: The Adventures of Jailbirdcat

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Hello mortals,

I have a dangerous endever (“I have made ever” – Brownie points if you get that reference) for you.

Two nights ago, I made a risky decision. To slip out the garage door into the pouring rain. The Girl had just got home. And she began her normal routine of going into the bathroom and picking me up and bringing me into her room to cuddle. She came into the bathroom, and I wasn’t there. She then went into her room, I wasn’t there either. She went into The Witch and The Ogre’s room to check for me, nada. She went into the kitchen. Nope. She went into the laundry room, no me. She went into The Ogre’s bathroom, not there. She then asked The Totally Irrelevant Boy if I was in his room. Nope.

So she knew I wasn’t in the house. So she started looking in the garage. Now, the garage door (The big one) was open, mind you. Calling my name, The Witch got my food and started rattling it. Psh, Like I’m an animal or something. *rolls eyes*. The Girl became more frantic, not finding me. The Ogre got a flashlight to stare out into the dark abbyss. The Girl ran into the pouring rain, laying on the ground looking under the cars, calling my name, not finding anything.

The Girl was soaked, frantic, and very sad. All of them were telling her that I would come back, or that she’s just hiding in the garage. She leans up against the wall up under the porch, her calls for me getting more and more hopeless.

So that was when I decided I should get up out of the hamper I was sleeping in in the bathroom.

Jailbirdcat,

Padme 

 

Day 28: The good, the bad, and the ugly

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 “PADME!” Tom yells through the phone – This is serious. “Yeah, Tom?!” He takes a deep breath; “Vincinzo escaped.”

TO BE CONTINUED…

*Vincinzo’s POV*

These stupid agents think they can beat up my minions and take me hostage! Not Vincinzo! Iwill find an escape. I will outsmart them. For I am Vincinzo! I am above all of them. ALL OF THEM! Tom, Charlie, Bobby, and Padme. Padme. She thinks she is so much better than me. NO ONE SHALL BE  PROMOTED HIGHER THAN I! I will find a way to escape this Ra-forsaken cage!

Just look at this! The agony! I will see the sun again. The wind blowing in my fur. (STOP WITH THE BALD JOKES) Now to do it…

I search the room. I find a bobby pin. I start quietly picking the lock. It clicks. I’m out. Now to get out completely. I strut down the hall. Give a salute to all the other prisoners, I look over to one and he goes:

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I say to him “I poop in your general direction.” and he goes    ^

I walk out into the lobby, saw a sleeping gaurd, so I got a marker and drew a mustache on him. An’ I’m Out

*Padme’s POV*

“He’s out” I tell Charlie. “Well we gotta go back to HQ” He replies. “Duty calls..” I saw sarcastically. “Onward we go!” Charlie says cheerily. Driving in the car with Charlie is a little bit chaotic; “CHARLIE SPEED UP! This is a 50 miles an hour zone and you’re going  30!” “Safety first, Padme” He scolds. “Don’t you know the phrase ‘it’s better to be safe then sorry’?” “Oh I do, I just choose not to abide by it. #boombadabing” I say. Charlie just rolls his eyes. “You’re annoying” “You’re annoying” “Stop copying me” “stop copying me ” “OWWWWW! Did you just try to yank my ear off?!” “Maybe.” “Ughhhhh”

“Padme, Charlie. Thank you for coming. We’ll go down in the bunker” Tom say seriously. “Okay, He couldn’t have gotten far. He found out he escaped half an hour ago, but he could have left hours ago. Let’s just say that gaurd is fired.” Tom says once we all sit down. “Logically yes, he couldn’t have gotten far, but he has hideouts all over the city. We know of 1. He has probaby a hundred places he could go and go under the radar.” I say. “And just in this city. He probably has them all around the coutry!” Charlie says.

“Charlie, would you contact Bobby? I need him in on this too.” Tom instructs. “Sure will.” Charlie said as he was leaving. I look over and I see Tom smirking. “Don’t bring it up.” I say annoyed. “Why were you with Charlie…?” Tom taunts. “We were, uh, talking about….new action plans for codes. Yeah, codes!” I say rather unsuccessfully. He just keeps smirking. “would you shut up about it??” I demand. “I’m not saying anything..” “You’re thinking it.” I say grumpily.

“Bobby! Thank you for coming.” Tom says. Bobby sits down beside me and props his feet up on the table. “Let’s get this thing going!” He exclaims. “Feet. Off.” Tom demands. “Sorry…” Bobby says. “So. Let’s get down to business.” I say focused on capturing Vincinzo.

“Let’s lock this sucker up.” Charlie says

TO BE CONTINUED…

Jailbirdcat,

Padme

Day 27: Make me your Aphrodite, Make me your one and only, But don’t make me your enemy.

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Rewind: Day 26 Mission Impossible….or Possible?

Charlie walks up to me, “So…I was thinking…maybe, uh,….sometime…we could…maybe..go out..?” He stutters. I smile, “Oh charlie…. I…”

TO BE CONTINUED…

“would love to!” I smile. “Great!….So I’ll pick you up…..like…..8:30…?” Charlie stutters. I look at my watch; it’s 1:30 now. We part ways, I start adding up the hours I have to get ready. “1:30, 2:30, 3:30…8 hours to get ready” I mumble to myself. “Purrrfect” 😉

“PATCHES! PATCHES! PATCHES! PATCHES!” I scream into the dark room she’s currently sleeping in. “WHAT!!!!!” a grumpy voice screams back. “THIS IS CODE 1,248,975,469!” I yell. “HOLY RA”, the door swings open and I get pulled into the room. “Who, what, when, where?!” I get interrogated. “Guess” I say with a smirk on my face. “Tom.” “EWW! Really patches??” I say as she falls over with laughter. “Okay, okay. It’s Charlie” I tell her. “AHHHHH! I KNEW IT!” “I have 8 hours to get ready.” “Spa day?” “Spa day.”

“So what outfit are you going to wear?” Patches asks me. “I’m not sure.”

“I was thinking this…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“But then I was like, Maybe I should go retro…” I say.

 

 

 

 

 

“I see your dilemma” Patches says with great thought. “Charlie doesn’t see your girly side. He only see’s and hears about your killing people side.” “Genious! But I don’t want to be too girly.” I tell her. “I think then you should go with the first retro one.” She says. “I agree.”.

8 hours has past and I’m waiting for Charlie to pick me up. I check my watch; 8:30 to the dot. “Why am I nervous? I’m never nervous. I don’t even get nervous for Vincinzo!” I say under my breath. “SHAKE IT OUT. SHAKE IT OUT. SHAKE IT OUT.” I dance around shaking my arms. I was so wrapped in shakin’ it out that I didn’t realize Charlie had pulled into my driveway and was sitting there laughing at me. He gets out and opens my door so I stomp to the car, climb in and pout. “Knock knock.” Charlie says. ‘Don’t give into it……AH! I can’t do it!’ I say in my head “Who’s there..?” I say rolling my eyes. “Owners” “Owners who….?” “Are stupid!” He exlcaims cackling. “That is just rich” I say, not telling him that I am cracking up inside.

“And here we are!” Charlie says as we pull up to the restaurant. “How can you afford this, Charlie?!” I say. ” I have my ways” He says. We walk inside and Charlie says our reservation. “And here is your table” The butler says.

“This is really beautiful, Charlie.” I say. “You’re really beautiful” He said under his breath, probably thinking I didn’t hear that. “So I hear Tom is really high maintenance” I say, cackling so loud I get weird looks. Then Charlie joins in just as loud. “Oh my ra” I say out of breath. But Charlie keeps on laughing. We start getting really dirty looks, so I grab his arm trying to get him to stop, rather unsuccessfully, considering I’m laughing just as hard.

The waitress comes and begins to take our order, obviously taking a liking to Charlie, which means she hated me. So I purposely took as long as I could ordering. We speant most of the time laughing after she left.

The food came and she conveniently dumped my food. Onto my lap. I stood up, and I started yelling to Charlie “HOLD ME BACK. HOLD. ME BACK.” Lucky for her my red phone went off.

 

 “PADME!” Tom yells through the phone – This is serious. “Yeah, Tom?!” He takes a deep breath; “Vincinzo escaped.”

TO BE CONTINUED…

Jailbirdcat,

Padme

 

 

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