Hello mortals,

I shall tell you the TRUE story of easter. (Hooman note: This is by no means supposed to be offensive.)

Now, the New Testiment teaches that the resurection of Jesus, which Easter celebrates, is the foundation of the Christian faith. This resurection established to all doubters that Jesus was indeed The Son of God.

But the one thing the Bible left out….Jesus was a cat. How did this come about, you ask? How did the feline community come from Egypt to Jerusalem? Well, long story short, Egyptions went a lil’ cray-cray, so we left.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “This isn’t true!” “Faker!”. Shut up. I have proof. Actually my grandfather was there. He took pictures with his iPhone.



















So now, after talking to the ghost’s of my ancestors, my agency, friends, enimies, we’ve decided that mortal kind is ready to know this. Will they worship Cat Jesus vs. Man Jesus? I can’t say. They will likely resume their old ways after they’ve clicked out of this journal entry. But, I just hope I haven’t wasted my breath here.

Obviously Easter isn’t quite here yet, but this kind of thing is hard to wrap your stupid mortal mind around. So I shall give you time to come to terms with it. If you will, that is. Happy early CEaster mortals!