Serious News.

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Okay everyone, I’m going to cut the cat stuff for this post, because this is serious.

Padme (Jailbirdcat) got sick 2 days ago. She wouldn’t eat her wet food, and she had gotten so frail and fragile. She couldn’t purr when she was petted, and she barely realized when I picked her up. She just weakly put her arm around me and tucked her head under my chin. There was no light in her eyes when she saw me.

I took my fluffy robe that she loves into my room and rolled it into a ball, then put a towel down on it. I took her back to my room and covered her in a blanket. She stayed there all night just resting, then when I finally got into bed to sleep, she weakly meowed and crawled over and tried to lay on me like she normally does. Then in the morning she woke me up meowing, almost howling like she was in pain. So I jumped up and took her out to the living room. She started to not be able to control her bodily functions. She stopped, and I cleaned her up and took her back to bed.


That day she just laid and shivered. I sat with her and finally she reached out her paw wanting me to hold her hand. So we laid and I held her hand. Everyonce in a while she would start meowing because she felt like she needed to use the bathroom, but she was so dehydrated that it hurt. She got progressively worse. She stood up and crawled onto my chest. I cuddled her and she tried to purr.

We decided that we were going to call the vet and see if they would let us come in even though they were closed. She was suffering too much. She wouldn’t eat, she wouldn’t drink and she was having problems with her bathroom needs. It was time.

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On the left: Read on to find out who this one is. Mallie, short for Marshmellow, AKA The Demon

Dad got home, and he came back about 8:05 ish. Padme started howling in pain, just laying on my lap. Dad put his hand on her stomach to help her, and she started drifting away. Finally at 8:11 PM, June 30th 2015,she passed.

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She was my best friend. She was with me when I was ill, suffering with EDS. Not being able to get out of bed; She was there. She helped me get better. She was my therapy cat, I guess you could say. Everytime I would walk in the room her eyes would light up and she would meow and meow until I paid attention to her. She was my cat and I was her human. When I would come home, she would run as fast as she could (Knocking everything over) to the door to greet me. I would pick her up and we would have a conversation. It would go something like this; “Meow. Hi. Meow. Hello. Meow. How are you baby? Meow. Really?? Meow. No way. Meow. I love you baby. Meow.”

Even though I don’t have friends, I was okay because she was my best friend. In a way no human could ever be. I was never lonely when she was there. I don’t know what to do now that she is gone. But I know that I want to keep this blog running. Jailbirdcat will still be here. Will it be about our new cat that we rescued? Will Padme still run the household?Will it be about The Demon from Padme’s point of view? Or will it be from Mallie’s point of view? You’ll only know if you stay and find out.

I’m sure Padme has unlimited spy gadgets and an invisibility cloak in heaven.


With Love,

The Girl


A Pressing Word For Wordpress

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I’mma bout to have poo-flinging moment with wordpress.. You peeps have changed this format so much I can’t even tell where my toes are. This is why cats need to RULE THIS WORLD. *Ahem*  Lost my temper. Just kidding, IT’S STILL HAPPENING, I’m sitting in my work space, and I be looking at the screen like:

Cat tech

What am I supposed to do with this peeple?!?!?! I’m about to go all egyptian on these hoomans! Like, take my earrings, hold my kitten, we going to TOWN. I am a cat and my lack of technology skills is making me insecure. *tear* I need someone to come now and hold my hand and be like “Don’t be insecure girl. Work that pony tail. OWN that updo.

Jailbirdcat out.

“Home Alone 6”???

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Hello Mortals,

I have an adventure for you peasants.

So the Witch and Ogre were gone, so obviously I got to rule the household. I allowed The Girl to reside in my kingdom.

There were some good times and bad times – well, bad times for The Girl, I’m impartial. Like, 1 down 1 to go, if ya know what I meannn…  We’ll start with the bad (*cough cough* impartial) news.

The Girl came home to find that Very Un-God Like had passed away.

Insert The Girl’s comment here;

“Yes, unfortunately Neera is gone, but we were all very ready knowing she could go anytime.  It still is very sad, but she’s happier up in Heaven.”

Insert Very Un-God Like memorial here;

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Then there was the happy times. Like when I when I dared to adventure OUTSIDE!

insert adventure photos here;

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And Worthless was sad…

insert sad photos here;

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Worthless also got his nails painted, Piranha got a sassy new outfit, and Stupid neighbor spooned with Piranha.

insert stupid photos here;

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What a week… phew. Now The Witch and The Ogre are back home and acting like they OWN the place.



Day 31: The Kitty Kouncil least bit Kozy enKounter

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“Bobby! Thank you for coming.” Tom says. Bobby sits down beside me and props his feet up on the table. “Let’s get this thing going!” He exclaims. “Feet. Off.” Tom demands. “Sorry…” Bobby says. “So. Let’s get down to business.” I say focused on capturing Vincinzo.

“Let’s lock this sucker up.” Charlie says



Okay, do we have any leads to Vincinzo?” I ask. “Well…no.” Tom says and we all give a huff “Do we have any inkling of where he might be??” I ask Bobby. “That would be a no.” Bobby answers. “So why exactly did you call us in if you had no leads other than the fact that he’s gone?!” I ask Tom annoyed “Well because Char-” “Because I have the map of the Island he might be on” Charlie cuts him off. “And how do you know that it’s where he could be?” I ask to no one in particular. “Because it was in his cell.” Tom tells me. “Well that would have been helpful to have known right away” I rant.


“So the places he could be are; Rocky Docks, The Last Island, Fright Forest, Deathly Bog, The Lost Treasure” “Which is no doubt a trap” Bobby says “,The Vile Volcano, Piranha Lagoon, Paramount Peaks, Creepy Cove, and of course the Island is surrounded with Shark infested waters” I list. “So which route would you like to choose for your death?” Charlie says in an announcer’s voice, which sends Bobby into a bout of giggles. “KEEP IT TOGETHER” I yell as I smack each of them.

“Okay, so I feel as though we’re all thinking this” Tom begins “We don’t have enough agents to surround the island plus send enough into each part to be safe” “Exactly. We don’t know how many allies he’s got country wide. We could be in bad shape if we underestimate him.” I explain.  “What is our next step, then?” Charlie asked. “We go to the Kitty Kouncil and demand to recruit and train agents.” I say.

“Do you realize  how long that would take?” Tom asked “Do you realize how long Vincinzo made me wait to catch him?!” I exclaim. “Padme’s right, if we wait long enough maybe we can tire him out.” Bobby says thoughtfully. “I’m sorry, I know this is serious. but can we just focus on the fact that he just said something that makes sense?” Charlie jokes

~At The Kouncil~


“Sir, please. If you just listen to us for one minute!-” “What she means, with all due respect, is what other way is there to extract him from that island without killing off all your agents?!” Tom diplomatically cuts me off. “That’s not my job. My job is to stop any absurd plans from disrupting our agency!” Edmund poop-ily says.

A quick grid of the Kouncil-cats, shall we?


“If you’re sitting there telling me that you don’t care about your agents then you are going to have to answer to a lot of cats.” I warn. “Is that a threat?” Douglass asks. “You can take that however you’d like, sir” I force a smile. “Are you going to let her threaten Douglass like that, Edmund?!?!” Sullivan squeaks “Sullivan hold it together!” Edmund commands.


“So you’re saying because the agents didn’t die because of Vincinzo then it’s not your problem? It’s still your agents! Besides, what proof do you have that says they didn’t??” Chadwick defends for us. “‘What difference does it make??'” WIlliamson asks. “It makes a very significant difference, good sir!”



“Look, we don’t need a lot of money. We have a whole section of our building that isn’t being used. We could easily turn into dorms.” I explain. “We’ve had 5 encounters with Vincinzo in the last year. It’s only a matter of time before something is compromised, giving him free reign to steal information, or Ra- forbid, Agents.” “Ma’am, how can you guarantee you’ll have cats that want to be agents?” Chadwick asks.

“We can’t.” I say. The whole council erupts in laughter. I raise my hand signaling I have more to say. “But sometimes in order to change, we have to change. Take that leap of faith. Sure, sometimes it won’t work out. But just because agents have died doesn’t mean we can’t live.” I recite \

They look at each other. Edmund takes a breath, “Agents, I’m sorry,but…..”




Day 28: The good, the bad, and the ugly

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 “PADME!” Tom yells through the phone – This is serious. “Yeah, Tom?!” He takes a deep breath; “Vincinzo escaped.”


*Vincinzo’s POV*

These stupid agents think they can beat up my minions and take me hostage! Not Vincinzo! Iwill find an escape. I will outsmart them. For I am Vincinzo! I am above all of them. ALL OF THEM! Tom, Charlie, Bobby, and Padme. Padme. She thinks she is so much better than me. NO ONE SHALL BE  PROMOTED HIGHER THAN I! I will find a way to escape this Ra-forsaken cage!

Just look at this! The agony! I will see the sun again. The wind blowing in my fur. (STOP WITH THE BALD JOKES) Now to do it…

I search the room. I find a bobby pin. I start quietly picking the lock. It clicks. I’m out. Now to get out completely. I strut down the hall. Give a salute to all the other prisoners, I look over to one and he goes:


I say to him “I poop in your general direction.” and he goes    ^

I walk out into the lobby, saw a sleeping gaurd, so I got a marker and drew a mustache on him. An’ I’m Out

*Padme’s POV*

“He’s out” I tell Charlie. “Well we gotta go back to HQ” He replies. “Duty calls..” I saw sarcastically. “Onward we go!” Charlie says cheerily. Driving in the car with Charlie is a little bit chaotic; “CHARLIE SPEED UP! This is a 50 miles an hour zone and you’re going  30!” “Safety first, Padme” He scolds. “Don’t you know the phrase ‘it’s better to be safe then sorry’?” “Oh I do, I just choose not to abide by it. #boombadabing” I say. Charlie just rolls his eyes. “You’re annoying” “You’re annoying” “Stop copying me” “stop copying me ” “OWWWWW! Did you just try to yank my ear off?!” “Maybe.” “Ughhhhh”

“Padme, Charlie. Thank you for coming. We’ll go down in the bunker” Tom say seriously. “Okay, He couldn’t have gotten far. He found out he escaped half an hour ago, but he could have left hours ago. Let’s just say that gaurd is fired.” Tom says once we all sit down. “Logically yes, he couldn’t have gotten far, but he has hideouts all over the city. We know of 1. He has probaby a hundred places he could go and go under the radar.” I say. “And just in this city. He probably has them all around the coutry!” Charlie says.

“Charlie, would you contact Bobby? I need him in on this too.” Tom instructs. “Sure will.” Charlie said as he was leaving. I look over and I see Tom smirking. “Don’t bring it up.” I say annoyed. “Why were you with Charlie…?” Tom taunts. “We were, uh, talking about….new action plans for codes. Yeah, codes!” I say rather unsuccessfully. He just keeps smirking. “would you shut up about it??” I demand. “I’m not saying anything..” “You’re thinking it.” I say grumpily.

“Bobby! Thank you for coming.” Tom says. Bobby sits down beside me and props his feet up on the table. “Let’s get this thing going!” He exclaims. “Feet. Off.” Tom demands. “Sorry…” Bobby says. “So. Let’s get down to business.” I say focused on capturing Vincinzo.

“Let’s lock this sucker up.” Charlie says




Day 27: Make me your Aphrodite, Make me your one and only, But don’t make me your enemy.

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Rewind: Day 26 Mission Impossible….or Possible?

Charlie walks up to me, “So…I was thinking…maybe, uh,….sometime…we could…maybe..go out..?” He stutters. I smile, “Oh charlie…. I…”


“would love to!” I smile. “Great!….So I’ll pick you up…..like…..8:30…?” Charlie stutters. I look at my watch; it’s 1:30 now. We part ways, I start adding up the hours I have to get ready. “1:30, 2:30, 3:30…8 hours to get ready” I mumble to myself. “Purrrfect” 😉

“PATCHES! PATCHES! PATCHES! PATCHES!” I scream into the dark room she’s currently sleeping in. “WHAT!!!!!” a grumpy voice screams back. “THIS IS CODE 1,248,975,469!” I yell. “HOLY RA”, the door swings open and I get pulled into the room. “Who, what, when, where?!” I get interrogated. “Guess” I say with a smirk on my face. “Tom.” “EWW! Really patches??” I say as she falls over with laughter. “Okay, okay. It’s Charlie” I tell her. “AHHHHH! I KNEW IT!” “I have 8 hours to get ready.” “Spa day?” “Spa day.”

“So what outfit are you going to wear?” Patches asks me. “I’m not sure.”

“I was thinking this…”









“But then I was like, Maybe I should go retro…” I say.






“I see your dilemma” Patches says with great thought. “Charlie doesn’t see your girly side. He only see’s and hears about your killing people side.” “Genious! But I don’t want to be too girly.” I tell her. “I think then you should go with the first retro one.” She says. “I agree.”.

8 hours has past and I’m waiting for Charlie to pick me up. I check my watch; 8:30 to the dot. “Why am I nervous? I’m never nervous. I don’t even get nervous for Vincinzo!” I say under my breath. “SHAKE IT OUT. SHAKE IT OUT. SHAKE IT OUT.” I dance around shaking my arms. I was so wrapped in shakin’ it out that I didn’t realize Charlie had pulled into my driveway and was sitting there laughing at me. He gets out and opens my door so I stomp to the car, climb in and pout. “Knock knock.” Charlie says. ‘Don’t give into it……AH! I can’t do it!’ I say in my head “Who’s there..?” I say rolling my eyes. “Owners” “Owners who….?” “Are stupid!” He exlcaims cackling. “That is just rich” I say, not telling him that I am cracking up inside.

“And here we are!” Charlie says as we pull up to the restaurant. “How can you afford this, Charlie?!” I say. ” I have my ways” He says. We walk inside and Charlie says our reservation. “And here is your table” The butler says.

“This is really beautiful, Charlie.” I say. “You’re really beautiful” He said under his breath, probably thinking I didn’t hear that. “So I hear Tom is really high maintenance” I say, cackling so loud I get weird looks. Then Charlie joins in just as loud. “Oh my ra” I say out of breath. But Charlie keeps on laughing. We start getting really dirty looks, so I grab his arm trying to get him to stop, rather unsuccessfully, considering I’m laughing just as hard.

The waitress comes and begins to take our order, obviously taking a liking to Charlie, which means she hated me. So I purposely took as long as I could ordering. We speant most of the time laughing after she left.

The food came and she conveniently dumped my food. Onto my lap. I stood up, and I started yelling to Charlie “HOLD ME BACK. HOLD. ME BACK.” Lucky for her my red phone went off.


 “PADME!” Tom yells through the phone – This is serious. “Yeah, Tom?!” He takes a deep breath; “Vincinzo escaped.”






Day 26: Mission Impossible….or Possible?

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rewind: Day 25: Meet Sammy

…While I hung out with Sammy my red phone went off (My agent phone). HQ said that they will need me AND Sammy’s help with a mission! We are looking forward to it very much. It’s gonna be awesome!



Hello mortals,

Welcome to HQ.

Sammy and I are currently sitting in the waiting area (obviously) waiting to see Tom. (Our Boss) Everyone here is quite on edge after some top secret network breaches.

Tom comes out of his office and beckons us in.


This is Tom, The Boss

This is Tom, The Boss

This is his office.

This is his office.

These are his go-to body guards (Left: Charlie Right: Bobby)

These are his go-to body guards AKA “The Boys” (Left: Charlie Right: Bobby)












Tom sits down at his desk.  The Boys shut the door and put down the shades on the windows. Me and Sammy look at each other; We know this is serious business. Tom begins with a long sigh. “Our firewall has been breached. Some of our important files have been tainted.” We gasp. “Our people have tracked it back to a group of people… The CATastrophic Nine” he says. The rooms tenses up. Tom goes on to give a discriptions of the gang.

“These guys attacked me the other day!” I realize. Tom leans forward on the desk, “And how did you get out of it?”. Their eyes got wider and wider when I told them about the fish and the doughnut and the donkey kong playing ping pong. The Boys behind me are cracking up, I turn around and give Bobby a death-glare, and pivot to give Charlie one too, but I find my eyes go soft and something in my belly….Butterflies?? I quickly turn back around to face Tom.

“How can we help?” I ask. “We need leads. We need to find out where they are and who they are.”. “Once we do that we need a plan. We need to find a team of agents to beat them.” I nod. “They are tough, but we have some of the best agents in the world. I can get Patches to help us. We can beat them”. We start making the plan.

I used my red phone (My agent phone) to call Patches. Now we are all in the bunker, The Boys had to for safety reasons – So no one who shouldn’t could overhear the plan.

This is our bunker. It is very much fancied up because most agents have had to stay down here for long periods of time. (This is where I stayed when I had to go under the radar)

This is our bunker. It is very much fancied up because most agents have had to stay down here for long periods of time. (This is where I stayed when I had to go under the radar)


We start by prepping. Gathering the supplies for the three of us, what we will need for the trip. What we have to have:

  • Food supplies
  • pocket taser
  • Utility belt | Gun, Grenade, bungie cord, grappling hook, pepper spray
  • Gas Masks
  • Map of the High Kitty Activity places
  • Fire starter
  • life vests
  • Walkie Talkies
  • Handcuffs
  • Headshots of The CATastrophic Nine

Now all we have to do is find them!


We’re off on the mission. We’ve been walking for 2 hours now, looking at all the High Kitty Activity spots. So far we’ve found….nothing. We’ve only been on this mission for a very short time and we’re already losing faith. We’ve stopped people and asked if they’ve seen these people. No leads. “How are we supposed to catch these guys if NO ONE knows them?” Patches exclaimed.

“This is turning into a Mission Impossible.” Sammy says tiredly. I know I have to keep our spirits up if we are going to accomplish anything.”We’re going to find them, we just need to keep the faith! Boss wouldn’t have sent us on this mission if he knew we couldn’t do it!”, “Well we do always suprise him..” Patches says sarcasticly. I smack her on the back of the head, “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER GIRLS!” “We are going to make this mission possib- Wait a minute..”. “What?” They say. “These are foot prints.” I pull out the map. “This is High Kitty Activity”. “Pull your tasers out girls”

We walk slowely and quitely back into the alley. It leads into a junk yard. I kick some trash around, and feel the dirt underneath my feet. “Ow!” I yelp, scaring Sammy half to death. “What happened?!” Patches says, “I got… a splinter..?”. “Wait a minute..” I lean down and start feeling around on the ground, until I hit something hard and… wooden. “A trap door!” I exclaim. “Here we go…” We say together. “Jinx!” We say together again. We start cracking up. “Get it together girls!” I say, still chuckling. I open the trap door…

We look around. This is like the Bunker we have at our agency, only it’s decked out in weapons, Skull flags, and body armor. “Sammy, We’re not in Kansas anymore.” I say sarcasticly. Patches snorts, waking a guard we didn’t notice in the corner. And of course, he pulls the alarm. A rush of fur comes crashing in, until we’re surrounded by the CATastrophic Nine. “Oh..my..Ra..” I say.”They’ve really come at us with open arms, aye?” I think to myself. “Get ready girls” Patches says. “Gas Masks on in 5..4..3..2..” I say, them knowing to pull out pepper spray when ready.

“And…….NOW!!” The fight begins. We quickly figure out that these guys are not going to go down without a fight. We’re not going to beat them in a group – We have to seperate them. The weakness of all gangs. “Huh..maybe that learning course actually taught me something..”I think. I yell “SPLIT UP!”. I get my grappling hook and shoot it at the railing on the ceiling, swinging along at kicking 3 gang members in the head, knocking them out. The leader of the group I assume was taking into hiding during the attack for safety, since he was no longer able to be found. I swing up to the second floor railing and hold on looking at my surroundings.

Patches is fighting 2 gang members, winning of course. Sammy is fighting the guard that pulled the alarm, but it looks like she beat 2 others. I count in my head the members of the gang ( There’s 9 all together); Kaias, Titan, Jaz, Maxim, Ulrich, Xavier, Atticus, Xad, then the leader Vincenzo. So we’ve defeated Titan, Maxim and Ulrich, Xavier, Xad, Kaias, and Atticus. Only Jaz and Vincenzo! I drop down and hit Jaz with the butt of my gun. Check.

Patches, Sammy and I meet up, and decide we need to find Vincenzo.”Splitting up would be too dangerous because this place is probably loaded with traps” Patches says wisely. We go through a corridor, keeping watch all around us. The girls kept walking but I suddenly stopped. “Something doesn’t feel right.” “What is it?” Sammy says. I look around, searching for clues. My eyes land on a spot. “These people do not know how to hide secret doors” I whisper. I kicked the door down and what do I find?…

Vincinzo in a purple satin night gown, drinking a mug of warmed milk, reading a Seventeen Magazine, (A/N No sponsors for this post) getting ready to get into a hot tub. “His face….is priceless” Sammy whisper laughs in my ear, I crack a smile. “Sir you are under arrest for breaking too many laws for me to even list, the murders of innocent civilions, and also my wallet.” He looks at me funny, I raise my voice, “Your guys knocked the fish and doughnut out of my hand, and I had to buy them again! We’re in a recession, man!” I walk up and handcuff him. He doesn’t put up a fight. The CATastrophic Nine is done.

Back at the Agency, Tom pats us on the back, “You did a good job, Agents! Patches, we just might have to think of taking you in! You’re a pro!”. “I just might have to take that offer.” Patches says. Tom and Patches walk off talking about money, alliances and such. “Sammy, why don’t you get some sleep, you worked hard.” I suggest. Sammy pats me on the back and walks off.

Charlie walks up to me, “So…I was thinking…maybe, uh,….sometime…we could…maybe..go out..?” He stutters. I smile, “Oh charlie…. I…”




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