Serious News.

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Okay everyone, I’m going to cut the cat stuff for this post, because this is serious.

Padme (Jailbirdcat) got sick 2 days ago. She wouldn’t eat her wet food, and she had gotten so frail and fragile. She couldn’t purr when she was petted, and she barely realized when I picked her up. She just weakly put her arm around me and tucked her head under my chin. There was no light in her eyes when she saw me.

I took my fluffy robe that she loves into my room and rolled it into a ball, then put a towel down on it. I took her back to my room and covered her in a blanket. She stayed there all night just resting, then when I finally got into bed to sleep, she weakly meowed and crawled over and tried to lay on me like she normally does. Then in the morning she woke me up meowing, almost howling like she was in pain. So I jumped up and took her out to the living room. She started to not be able to control her bodily functions. She stopped, and I cleaned her up and took her back to bed.


That day she just laid and shivered. I sat with her and finally she reached out her paw wanting me to hold her hand. So we laid and I held her hand. Everyonce in a while she would start meowing because she felt like she needed to use the bathroom, but she was so dehydrated that it hurt. She got progressively worse. She stood up and crawled onto my chest. I cuddled her and she tried to purr.

We decided that we were going to call the vet and see if they would let us come in even though they were closed. She was suffering too much. She wouldn’t eat, she wouldn’t drink and she was having problems with her bathroom needs. It was time.

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On the left: Read on to find out who this one is. Mallie, short for Marshmellow, AKA The Demon

Dad got home, and he came back about 8:05 ish. Padme started howling in pain, just laying on my lap. Dad put his hand on her stomach to help her, and she started drifting away. Finally at 8:11 PM, June 30th 2015,she passed.

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She was my best friend. She was with me when I was ill, suffering with EDS. Not being able to get out of bed; She was there. She helped me get better. She was my therapy cat, I guess you could say. Everytime I would walk in the room her eyes would light up and she would meow and meow until I paid attention to her. She was my cat and I was her human. When I would come home, she would run as fast as she could (Knocking everything over) to the door to greet me. I would pick her up and we would have a conversation. It would go something like this; “Meow. Hi. Meow. Hello. Meow. How are you baby? Meow. Really?? Meow. No way. Meow. I love you baby. Meow.”

Even though I don’t have friends, I was okay because she was my best friend. In a way no human could ever be. I was never lonely when she was there. I don’t know what to do now that she is gone. But I know that I want to keep this blog running. Jailbirdcat will still be here. Will it be about our new cat that we rescued? Will Padme still run the household?Will it be about The Demon from Padme’s point of view? Or will it be from Mallie’s point of view? You’ll only know if you stay and find out.

I’m sure Padme has unlimited spy gadgets and an invisibility cloak in heaven.


With Love,

The Girl


“Home Alone 6”???

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Hello Mortals,

I have an adventure for you peasants.

So the Witch and Ogre were gone, so obviously I got to rule the household. I allowed The Girl to reside in my kingdom.

There were some good times and bad times – well, bad times for The Girl, I’m impartial. Like, 1 down 1 to go, if ya know what I meannn…  We’ll start with the bad (*cough cough* impartial) news.

The Girl came home to find that Very Un-God Like had passed away.

Insert The Girl’s comment here;

“Yes, unfortunately Neera is gone, but we were all very ready knowing she could go anytime.  It still is very sad, but she’s happier up in Heaven.”

Insert Very Un-God Like memorial here;

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Then there was the happy times. Like when I when I dared to adventure OUTSIDE!

insert adventure photos here;

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And Worthless was sad…

insert sad photos here;

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Worthless also got his nails painted, Piranha got a sassy new outfit, and Stupid neighbor spooned with Piranha.

insert stupid photos here;

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What a week… phew. Now The Witch and The Ogre are back home and acting like they OWN the place.



Day 30: The Adventures of Jailbirdcat

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Hello mortals,

I have a story for you peasant brains.

So I was talking to Tom the other day, and we got to talking about our Agency History. And he told me a fascinating story about Ancient Egypt and The Kitty Konsortium (Our agency). So if you don’t want to read this, you must be a dog. So please, carry onto Rumpydog’s blog. -_- And you dogs should also sleep with one eye open.


Time traveling back to Ancient Egypt ~~~





A time where cats were worshipped, Pharaohs ran the lands, and the people were brought to justice with something they called “Ma’at” – the ancient Egyptian concept of truth, balance, order, law, morality, and justice. And also, a time where the gods opperated diamond space crafts.

Yes, you heard me right, mortal. They were built to aid a system that you would know as “Amazon.com”. Ran straight from the Amazonian lands (yes, the river), meant as a secret source for cats to buy everything they needed to be Godly. Obviously they couldn’t let the mortals know that they too had to have litter boxes, and If I may say so myself, Some FABULOUS jewelry!

The Space crafts would then be stocked with the things cats had ordered and it would be shipped to them. How the mortals didn’t see big diamond space crafts?? Cloaking devices. Obviously! Your brains worry me, peasant.

After a few millenia, The amazonian.com™ started getting fewer and fewer usages. The cats had been getting run down by mortals that thought they were better than them. Soon enough back in the Amazonian lands, they started having to make budget cuts, so they had to lay off some of their space craft drivers, so production levels dipped down to irreversible  levels, and they ended up shutting down amazonian.com™.

Obviously they didn’t need the space crafts anymore, so they called up Tutu to have his company tear the crafts down and use them for recycling purposes, but when you put the God of Sleep in charge of something, it just doesn’t get done. Lazy, lazy Tutu. The majority of the space crafts sunk fully into the ground, But some of them only sunk half way. The openings to the minority of them were accessible, so the Egyptians made the rooms into tombs, and dressed the hallways in booby traps. They made them into mazes so the “tomb raiders” AKA “The space craft raiders” wouldn’t be able to find the valuables that were buried with the tombs.

The diagram of what the space crafts really looked like. Above the red line in the center is the "pyramid" for those of you who don't understand.

The diagram of what the space crafts really looked like. Above the red line in the center is the “pyramid” for those of you who don’t understand.

Years and years and years and years and years (you get the point) after all this, the Hoomans found these so called “Pyramids”. And now, apparently, they are a part of the “7 Wonders of the World”. IDK what that even is.

“And that’s the story!” Tom says. “Tom,” I say “MIND. BLOWN.”



Day 29: The Adventures of Jailbirdcat

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Hello mortals,

I have a dangerous endever (“I have made ever” – Brownie points if you get that reference) for you.

Two nights ago, I made a risky decision. To slip out the garage door into the pouring rain. The Girl had just got home. And she began her normal routine of going into the bathroom and picking me up and bringing me into her room to cuddle. She came into the bathroom, and I wasn’t there. She then went into her room, I wasn’t there either. She went into The Witch and The Ogre’s room to check for me, nada. She went into the kitchen. Nope. She went into the laundry room, no me. She went into The Ogre’s bathroom, not there. She then asked The Totally Irrelevant Boy if I was in his room. Nope.

So she knew I wasn’t in the house. So she started looking in the garage. Now, the garage door (The big one) was open, mind you. Calling my name, The Witch got my food and started rattling it. Psh, Like I’m an animal or something. *rolls eyes*. The Girl became more frantic, not finding me. The Ogre got a flashlight to stare out into the dark abbyss. The Girl ran into the pouring rain, laying on the ground looking under the cars, calling my name, not finding anything.

The Girl was soaked, frantic, and very sad. All of them were telling her that I would come back, or that she’s just hiding in the garage. She leans up against the wall up under the porch, her calls for me getting more and more hopeless.

So that was when I decided I should get up out of the hamper I was sleeping in in the bathroom.




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